arcade game

It is the first night of the Winter Olympics in Sochi, Russia. A giant bald eagle descends upon a sleeping Joe Wurzelbacher, to send him on a xenophobic dream quest. Suddenly Joe finds himself clothed in a tuxedo, armed with a machine gun, and equipped with an American flag snowboard. In a bizarre arcade shoot-em-up snowboarding game, Joe must dodge snow-covered palm trees, kill terrorists, and protect the freedom of american athletes, all while repressing his latent homoerotic desires. This fantastic contest concludes with a confrontation against the monstrous giant head of Vladimir Putin, which shoots weaponized rainbow gay-beams from its eyes.

Wake up Joe the Plumber! Your country needs you.

The winter Olympics are upon us, Joe.

They are to be held in that bastion of socialism,
Sochi, Russia.

If you see someone who looks like this, they are a terrorist.

This is our athlete, who you must defend against terror.

Now be careful not to get too close to him, Joe.
He's a little bit queer...

...and we don't want that rubbing off on you!

Good luck out there Joe!

- Joe's mission, as given by the Eagle